At approximately 9pm, the documentary by Poh Si Teng entitled “Pecah Lobang”, was finally aired at the studio within the Annexe Gallery at Central Market, during the Freedom Film Fest last Saturday. Touching mostly on the life and times of Muslim transsexual sex workers at the Chow Kit area, it drawn a crowd of 200 plus people inside. Besides the cast and crew of the documentary, notable attendees include members of the Legal Aids Centre, the PT Foundation crew including trans activist Ms Sulatri Ariffin and a surprise visitor who is a renowned transsexual advocate from Singapore, Ms Leona Lo.

The documentary as we have known, focused on the life of transsexual and sex worker Natasha, and other transsexuals’ turbulent living environment. The failed job hunts, family rejection and society’s ill-treatment of transsexuals was implied within the documentary as been caused by the ban on sex change surgeries in the early 1980’s upon the release of a “fatwa”. It displayed several verses from the Quran that were used to condemn transsexuals, and several profiled cases of transsexual discrimination. It also featured thoughts from several notable personalities including Dr Teh Yik Koon and Ms Sulastri Ariffin.

While the whole documentary was well meant to highlight the plight of the transsexual sex workers of Chow Kit, I felt I was watching somewhat a docu-movie prequel to the movie “Bukak Api”, which also outlined the problems faced by the transsexual sex workers community. “Pecah Lobang” went straight into several strong comments in defense of transsexuals and their lives, to touching overtures of statements that seemed to be asking for empathy from the audience. And it sadly played to stereotypes.

For instance, the continuous notion replayed throughout this documentary (it may be accidental) that transsexuals are prone to sex work, and on the streets even. It takes for granted that there is a community of transsexual sex workers that are not plying their trade on the streets, but as call girls in international escort websites, where the big cash is from the expats and foreign visitors. Also, there was a total lack of healthy transsexual role models shown, which would have placed a balanced positive view on transsexuals.

Also missing, was the lack of clarity on what is a transsexual with a transvestite, both under the umbrella term of transgender, as a segment focused on the recent case of transgenders arrested in Kelantan who were involved at a beauty pageant. I find it very unfortunate that the causes of transsexuality, from the chromosomal, biological and psychological circumstances especially recent research on the neuron count within limbic nucleus of the brain of transsexuals, were never mentioned. Instead the documentary presented viewers with the overused “they are human beings, they do not choose this life” mantra.

As for the reference of the religion of Islam used to create an atmosphere of rejection towards transsexuals, I respectfully disagree to some level. It is the cultural upbringing of the members of society that failed to distinguish gender from sex, along with the media toying with mak nyahs as jokes and comedy, as was seen in TV shows such as “Scenario”. Last month, “Gerak Khas” on RTM depicted transsexuals as sexed-up, campy and ill-mannered, while being a sex workers and also a drug pushers. It is these misrepresentations by the media that causes untrained minds to validate their prejudices.

And it is by these ill-founded dogmas that people resort to use religion as justifications for their bigotry against transsexuals and this not only includes Islam, but also Christianity. “Pecah Lobang” highlights only a fragment of the community; but other transsexuals, those who are well-adjusted in society to those who are struggling not to fall down the sex work trap hole, may feel themselves stigmatized by a public labeling all transsexuals as sex-workers. Perception is a dangerous element; as well intentioned this documentary is, it may infringe the safe space of transsexuals who do not wish for sex work.

During the comments session after the viewing of “Pecah Lobang”, I was disappointed with some of the members of the audience who seemingly questioned Ms Poh Si Teng for doing the movie in the guise of “well-mannered talk”. One question that came to mind was whether she is using the movie in a way of promoting human rights as to making the wrong, right. I would have told the gentleman, there is nothing wrong with simply existing without harming others. These were also other questions Ms Teng seemed to have difficulty in answering, which explains the countless “I do not know”’s she used.

It would note however, with all of this film’s shortcomings, I believe Ms Teng was very courageous to go out on her own way to do this movie. She had said that she is not a filmaker, rather a journalist, so I do admit I am sad that the issue of transsexuals was poorly researched by her. But this could be a good starting point for more openness in talks about transsexuals, and Ms Teng at 24, will learn in time. As a member of the Legal Aids Centre commented, she only scratched the surface of the transsexuality issues. But, this could be a start of more things to come, positive ones hopefully, for our community.

The Kelantan Islamic Religious Affairs Department sent a clear message to transgenders all over the world. Do not come to this conservative state in Malaysia if you identify as a transgender, or even as a transsexual. We will arrest you, jail you and fine you if we find you dressed up as women. It is reported in The Star on Friday, these Kelantanese religious moral guardians arrested young adult transgenders at a beauty pageant held within a nearby resort. The Malaysian Insider reported the arrest of 16 out of 50 contestants from all over the country, while 3 managed to escape by dangerously diving into the river, during this contest called the “Glam Nite Miss Universe Asia 2008″ at Tok Bali, Bachok.

Abdul Aziz Mohd Nor, chief assistant director of the religious group, was mentioned saying “activities of the transsexuals, including dressing up like women, were against Islamic practices”. By the picture of those busted, some were indeed transsexuals. So this begets the question, how much do Mr. Abdul Aziz know about transsexuals? Transsexuals (a sub-entity of transgenders) are a group of people that can now be reasoned medically and socially as women. They are not dragging around in women’s clothes. As for the “activities”, is it not normal for women to enter beauty pageants?

As for the transgender community, I did not realize that wearing a different set of clothes would brand people as immoral. Are we all not born into this world naked? Are they going to catch anyone wearing anything in semblance of a skirt like a sarong? Or if Scottish people ever hold an event in Kelantan, are they going to arrest them if they wear kilts? The capture of transsexual women itself is absurd. I wonder what they hope to accomplish by this behaviour towards an already very misunderstood group of people. Malaysia is still fighting hard to realize the goals for Vision 2020, but with such draconian rules based on an outdated mindset in our country that punishes some of those like transsexuals whose only sin is being themselves, how can that be possible?

In the aftermath of this recent arrest of transsexuals; it is a faint wish that relevant authorities, even in the light of the increasing evidences of transsexuality as a biological phenomenon during the past few years, would review this latest case of treatment towards them that went as low as treating them like criminals. But it is hoped that their plight in this country would be further highlighted by this incident. It is really time to exercise openness towards transsexuals, who are in the end humans and part of the Malaysian race. They deserve dignity to live as who they are.

Have you ever heard of a man named Edmund Smith? Have you ever heard of his group called Real Love Ministry (RLM)? I would like to draw your attention to the most vocal, most amateurish ex-gay ministry in Malaysia, especially because of the recent additions to his blog site which runs in total contradiction to what he is doing towards the homosexual and even the transgender community.

Edmund presents the sermon called “Stop Pretending”.

But Edmund, while admitting that sexual orientation is inborn, still wants you to choose to act out heterosexually.

First, as most of you intellectual girls and guys would have known since you are born, homosexuality is something innate in you. Something that is not changeable. Secondly, you would have known by now that there is certainly no need to lie to yourself (and grief the Holy Spirit, if you are a Christian) by pretending to be someone you are not and exercise behavioral modification to suit any standards of heterosexuality thrown at you; because you are normal. Decades of strong peer previewed research concluded that.

Compelling new evidences of inborn traits of homosexuals and transgenders may have surfaced for the past few years. Yet many LGBTs are still deceived and confused by these medically rejected practices which began more than 25 years ago in the United States. The target audiences of ex-gay ministries have changed to the friends and families of LGBTs during the past decade, in the attempt to coerce the community into religiously motivated submission by peers and relations grounded specifically on “traditional values”.

Ex-gay ministries, losing their foothold in the States because of the rise of information technology since the 80s, stepped foot into the conservative Asian market during the 90s, with many eager listeners of their dogmatic views lining up to justify their own personal prejudices by way of the Bible and discrimination based on the myth that the LGBT community can but stubbornly refuse to “change” from their “immoral ways”.

What ex-gay ministries like RLM  would want you to believe is that you can, should and need to “change” your sexual orientation to heterosexuality or at least act out straight. And they would go all ways to prove that. Now honestly, Edmund Smith’s RLM would go around parroting the usual twists and turns of the truth in regards to homosexuality and transgenderism, and loves to double talk between the churches and the LGBT community, but even he actually admitted that nothing is changed and that you are to lie to yourself “for a season OR for a lifetime”.

Let us say you are born left handed. By the right (literally) of religion, you are to use your right hand. After struggling for years and found out you are just unable to do so, they ask you to not exercise the use of your left hand. So in the end you have one able left hand you never use and the other right hand that is without coordination to perform your tasks. So what happens to you then? Do you not look ridiculous? Those days can easily be labeled the days of the Right supremacy. The actions of ex-gay ministries such as RLM blatantly stigmatize the homosexual and transgender community into submission to heterosexual supremacy. It is a gently imposed threshold upon LGBTs. Curiously, the reverse process for those living an immoral heterosexual lifestyle never happens, neither calls of celibacy for heterosexual sex addiction can be heard. Is that not favoritism that even some religions especially Christianity would be against?

The premise of their ministry is denying who you are. When you lie to yourself, or let others convince you to do so, you only suffer consequences that can stretch a lifetime. You must know who you are to live a fruitful life. For example, if you are a true homosexual and choose what Edmund Smith calls the ex-gay lifestyle, two proven things would happen to you. While other homosexual couples move into adulthood having monogamous relationships and planning to migrate overseas to a more tolerant country to get a civil union or marriage and going to live happily ever after until old age takes shape; you either:

a) Will still naturally be attracted to the same sex while being married to your temporal co-star Ms Wife in your heterosexual acting career. You will suppress all desires towards the same sex for years. But, if you ever show interest towards your own sex, then you would hurt those people around you especially Ms. Wife, and children if you have any. Then you would have two choices; be who you are, or choose option b).

b) Be celibate. And spend a lifetime with independence to do whatever you want. The bulk stops there. Because that is all you would have for the rest of your lonely miserable life.

Any mantra that states homosexuality, a normal human born condition; as non-existent, as nothing but a sexual confusion that needs to be controlled, is a falsehood that goes against the very essense of being human. There may be some who choose this ex-gay path (good for them, all power to them). But to go around marketing it as if everyone in the world would eventually want that “change”, or attempt to brainwash weak and impressionable minds from the big fact that homosexuals can live in love, peace and joy just as any living person of any sexual orientation on this earth, is very wrong.

Presenting the “cure” that never was is a direct selling strategy that even God would not be pleased with, and I believe RLM’s Edmund Smith knows that all too well. Do you understand the obvious fact that his ex-gay image is used as a platform to sell his CDs? Do you get it when he is so desperate to become an international “superstar”? Do you realize that Edmund Smith charges people in the guise of “donations” to listen to his reification fallacies and self-created “sciences” based on nothing? Do you know that Edmund Smith recently changed to a new car, even though he mentioned RLM is a non-profit organization? It should be obvious to everyone; under whose expense?

The author of this article is often prayed for (for already a few months actually) with a lovingly made accusation masked as a prayer.

Please pray for Vivienne @ Yuki who was once helped by RLM. He is a transgender (male wanting to be female). He is aggressively moving from one website to another (internationally) trying to ruin the name of Ps Edmund and Real Love Ministry. Pray for Jesus to touch him.

As a girl, medically and scientifically reasoned, I take it as compliment. People can never be comfortable when the truth stares back at them. I have written a response here. By the way, I did not receive any help from RLM except attempts to indoctrinate and coerce me to change into something I am not. From that experience, I realize how important affirmation and integrity is for the community. That is why my fight now is for the life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders.

Many thanks to Dina Zaman for her permission to reproduce this article from her book, “I Am Muslim”, published by Silverfish Books Sdn. Bhd. in 2005. This article was also published by www.malaysiakini.com. Dina Zaman is a local writer and columnist.

(image from MSNBC news)

X is at the crossroads of her life. She has been on the Hajj twice. The last trip had her questioning the one main issue that had brought her much love and happiness, but did not coincide with her religious beliefs.

X is a lesbian. She is in a dilemma: if she chooses the right path, she knows she may find a place in paradise, but her life will be without companionship and sex. Should she decide to opt for love and a home with a woman, she can pray all she wants, flagellate herself if need be, but she’ll never touch the lowest of heavens.

“I don’t know what to do. When I went to Mecca for my Hajj, I prayed to God to take away my sexuality, make me normal, because no matter how hard I try to justify myself, the Book does not sanction homosexuality. But when I came back… imagine… it’s been years since I’ve been on a date with a woman. I go off for my second pilgrimage and wham! Women everywhere!”

“What do I do?” she asks plaintively.

In her bid to cleanse herself from her sins, she goes from one ustaz to another, in vain hope that her sexuality is erased and she becomes pure. She seeks solace in dzikirs and prayers, while yearning for that one thing.

These are stories for you

And (remember) Lut, when he said to his people: “Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the ‘Alamin (mankind and jinn)? Verses 80-81, Surah Al-A’raf

Verily, you practise your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins).”

“Thing is, I don’t see myself in conflict with God,” Haji Zainal Abidin tells me. Haji Zainal is 35 years old, and an accountant. He runs a few small businesses, and looks… manly. No, he’s not effeminate. He is the archetype of Malay manhood.

“The Book talks about how God creates perfection. So if you’re born handicapped – without an arm or leg, or you’re blind; that in God’s eyes is perfection itself. My homosexuality as far as I am concerned, is perfection in God’s eyes. I didn’t ask to be gay. I was born gay. I never knew anything else.”

But it has been stated clearly in the Quran that you and men (and women) like you are to be condemned, I prod.

“If I have committed great sins such as murder, I would not have been able to face the Kaabah when I went on my Hajj! Look, I’m not like some straight men I know that marry women even though they are either impotent or unable to have sex with their wives. I don’t lie. I don’t do all the bad things.”

Look at the Prophet Lut; Sodom and Gomorrah existed during his time. The Revelation didn’t materialise from nothing.

“At that time, they were sleeping with everything under the sun, even their own children. It was a huge orgy then. Now we do, but it’s discreet, and not so much.”

“To answer your question: yes. I am very comfortable being a Muslim that happens to be gay. And vice-versa.”

Do you know where your husband is tonight?

Homosexuality is a lifestyle we must accept that exists, whether we like it or not. While many gay or bi-sexual Malaysians prefer to keep mum about their sexuality, it’s an open fact. Go to Bukit Bintang or KLCC, and you’ll see quite a number of men walking together.

To generalise their appearance would of course be wrong, but you can more or less suss them out. Sometimes, clichéd as it may sound, it’s the walk. Their hair and tell-tale earring in their left earlobe. Muscled physiques. Lean bodies. Walking slightly ahead or behind their partners. On the other hand, there are straight and buff men sporting ear-rings.

Many times you cannot see who is or is not gay. There are thousands of men and women that marry and have families. Some accept their fates and are straight and narrow (pun not intended) but many have other lives. There’s this urban legend about a pair of lovers that married sisters, who think they’re oh-so-lucky to have found husbands that are best friends. Tsk, tsk, if only they know.

According to Hisham Hussein, the chairman of PT Foundation, 50 percent of the callers that communicate with PTF’s counselling centre are gay men. Yet there is an increasing number of men that call, who are confused about their sexuality. These men come from all races and backgrounds.

“When it comes to HIV and Aids, it is no longer a gay man’s disease. It is everyone’s. And believe me when I say that straight men play a big part in this,” Hisham said.

There is this common perception that when a heterosexual man infects his female partner – wife or girlfriend – with HIV, he has acquired the services of a sex worker or is having an affair with another woman. That has happened and is still happening.

What is becoming a more visible phenomenon is husbands or boyfriends that have sex with men. These men do not see themselves as cheating on their partners, for these reasons:

• Receiving fellatio or having sex from a male/female/transexual sex worker is just services rendered
• Receiving said sex act or having sex with a man does not constitute an affair because the third party is a man, not a woman

“I wouldn’t say it is a Malay-Muslim issue,” Hisham stated carefully, “but it is a phenomenon. We have so many problems. Has anyone attempted to question the root of the problem? Has anyone asked what is happenning and why is it happening? Are we in a state of (adamant) denial?

“There is a lot of head-shaking and moralising in Malaysia. Whether you’re gay or not, we have a serious issue to deal with: HIV and AIDs. We also have to deal with perceptions – for instance, sodomy sometimes or may happen among prisoners. This is not considered homosexuality. It’s just an outlet. So where does that leave straight and gay men?”

My gay male friends are always scandalised when they get picked up in chat-rooms by straight men. These men are happily married. Is it the thrill of the unknown and dangerous that makes these men leave the comfort and sensuality of women?

“Why do straight men sleep with men?” I once asked.

“Because only a man knows how to please a man,” my friend said.

Tudung lesbians

I used to write for two mainstream newspapers in the 90s, and last year I started blogging (my blog is now defunct). I have a few readers that stayed loyal and followed my work all these years, and picked up a few new ones along the way. I have been Agony Aunt, Matchmaker, Headmistress to quite a number, and it was earlier this year when I noticed a trend among the correspondence I received from them.

They were all young women.

They all wore the hijab.

They think they’re gay.

It was one thing to advise young women on studies, dating, possessive parents and diets, it’s another thing to deal with sexuality. And I certainly am ill-equipped to advise them on their confusion.

What struck me was my ignorance and small-mindedness pertaining to this matter: I actually thought that there was no way a girl in a tudung could have homosexual tendencies. You’re wearing a tudung, for crying out loud, you have taken a divine oath to be a good Muslim, you can’t be a lesbian.

Later I thought, what you wear and practise has no bearing on the person you really are.

They were confused and frightened. They too asked me the same question: how could they be gay when they were brought up as good Muslims? They wear the scarves, they don’t mess about, they pray, they’re good daughters and friends, but they desire only women.

“Women are softer, and smell nicer than men,” one of them wrote to me.

One, in her bid to become straight, had an affair with boy her age. Yes, she even slept with him. Anything, even though it’s wrong, so that I become straight, she said.

It was awful being with a man. Men were so rough.

I never replied to her e-mails. I didn’t know what to say.

When I performed my Umrah last year, I met one of my Arab cousins in Jeddah. Sahar told me that there was a huge number of young men and women in the city turning gay as there were little interaction between the sexes.

She asked me this: in Malaysia, you’re pretty free to mingle among the sexes. If one has to be orthodox about homosexuality, then why are there gay men and women – closeted or out in the open – in KL (Malaysia)?

The interview

I did communicate with one reader. She kindly agreed to an e-mail interview, which is furnished below:

When did you realise you were gay? Were you conscious of it? Did you know what it was?

To be honest I don’t really know if I am gay. I know I am attracted to women, sometimes emotionally, sometimes physically. More than I am attracted to men, that’s for sure, although I won’t deny I am attracted to men too. Being with women makes me feel safer, makes me feel more confident. Men just… scare me. On some level I suppose I’ve always known, on another I’ve been in denial. In terms of accepting it as a fact of life, I don’t think I’ve even accepted that word: gay.

I just tell my friends - those who know-lah, and this is not many - I’m not quite so straight. I went to an all-girls’ boarding school; I was semi-popular, was a school jock, I got girls then. But I figured that was just a phase, you read a lot about it in books about growing up, about attachment to members of the same sex, they say it’s normal. Ten years after high school, and you’re still stuck in that place, you start thinking, is this a phase still, or are you not quite who people think you are?

How is your background? How were you brought up?

My background - middle-class suburban Malay, live in a predominantly Malay area. I come from a very religious background but very liberal as well. My parents made sure I kept to my fives (prayers), I don’t drink and I don’t do the normal KL lifestyle thing: no dancing, no clubbing. Worst of my vices is probably teh tarik.

But my parents taught us to be open minded; we read a lot, we were allowed to ask questions and often were given straight answers. They also operated based on trust - they just assumed we told the truth at all times. I spent my childhood abroad, then boarding school, then abroad again.

How do you feel now? What is your struggle like?

Most of the time, confused. I am trying to define who I am, not just in the eyes of the world, but the eyes of God. I talk to some people, they say to me, if you’re gay, you’re gay, just embrace it. I can’t, I think a lot about religion. It’s clear that no conventional religion in the world accepts homosexuality, not just those of the Abrahamic tradition. That underlines to me how wrong this is in the eyes of religion.

I know it’s the 21st century, I know religion is uncool, but I am a Muslim. I say the Syahadah, I submit, so I play by the rules. That is my commitment. I don’t own my life, God does. But I also have human needs; I want to be in a relationship, I’m a sappy romantic at heart despite the exterior. I see people walking together holding hands, I want that too. But with who? If it’s another girl, then what am I risking? Where is the line that religion draws? Therein lies the conflict.

You mentioned once you may just succumb to that life and then repent. What’s stopping you?

The fact that I might not be led back to repent. It’s easy when you say it, Alah tua nanti aku taubat la (I’ll repent when I’m older) but how do you know for sure that you will be led back? There are no certainties in life; and my fear lies in the fact that I would be so lost, I can never find my way back. So I try to keep on the straight and narrow, hard as it may be. Spiritual aspects of my life means a lot more to me than the here and now.

Obviously wearing the hijab is not a deterrent. How do you reconcile with the image and perception? Do you feel guilty?

I think wearing the hijab has deterred me from a few things. While I’ve accepted the fact that I am not as straight as people think I am, I’ve never done anything about it. I’ve never actually pursued a relationship with another woman, for instance, since I left school.

I’ve thought about it, obviously, but wearing the hijab somehow reminds me that I am a Muslim first, and if Islam prohibits this there must be a reason why it is prohibited even though sometimes it may not make sense to me. ‘Islam itu syumul, kita yang tak’ is what I say to myself a lot. I don’t go out to gay bars, I don’t seek out women to date, I don’t do personal ads.

Internally there is a lot of conflict between who people think I am, and who I am learning to accept myself to be. Because of my religious upbringing, people sometimes ask me stuff about fardhu ‘ain, hukum hakam agama, (the basics and principles of religion) and also sometimes I get asked to lead prayers (women only congregations, I am no Amina Wadud!) I haven’t done that in a long while though, I keep relegating, because I am unclear how Islam views someone like me: admittedly not straight but not living a homosexual lifestyle either. Am I living in sin? Who I ask about this, I have no idea.

I read a lot, and the advice seems to circulate around the fact that if ‘I don’t want to go to hell’ then I am to repent, leave behind the lifestyle, be with more righteous people and get married. I have no ‘lifestyle’ to leave behind - I think I am a pretty conservative modern Muslim. As for marriage, it’s all fine and dandy to say that, but if men just don’t do it for me, then what on earth would marriage be for me and whoever my husband will be, if not one massive heartbreak?

As for guilt - in the beginning there was a lot of guilt. I wasn’t quite sure where I stood in the eyes of God. I felt very distant from God for a while, even though I was still praying and reading the Quran as I always was. Then I thought a lot, I figured, what sin have I committed?

If I felt a certain way towards women, then there must be a reason - be it psychological or biological, I’ve never really wondered about which - but there must be a reason: be it something as simple as this being a test from Him. Nowadays I am trying to regain the closeness with Him I once felt.

Can you live with a woman and not have sex?

I suppose. But if I fancied this woman, and there are feelings, even if I’d never act on it, there would be a lot of associated guilt. I’d want to clear this with scholars first. If Islam allowed it, then I’d have no problem with it. I’ve never had sex before, so I don’t really know what I’m missing, haha.

Can you live with a man?

If I trusted him, yes. If he can accept me warts and all, then yes. But again, this is not something tried and tested. I am open to the idea of living with a man; but when push comes to shove, I still don’t know. I am uncomfortable with the idea of marriage in Malay society - the man as the provider, the woman as the carer; I’m not sure I fit that mold.

What is stopping you? Really.

Religion. I live my life by the rules of religion. What religion allows, I do, what it disallows, I try and stay clear from.

How would you advise other females? Do you have friends that are like you?

I don’t even know if I am in the right place to advise anyone, given my own state of mind. I think sexuality is something very personal; I am not in the right place to judge how others should react towards theirs. I’ve never really asked my friends if they are gay. Those that are, seem to be comfortable with their lifestyles as gay men and women. But there must be others like me, I can’t be the only one, I’m not THAT special.

If you could have anything, if you could put religion aside, would you embrace your homosexuality?

That’s a very big if. I can’t ever put religion aside, so there is really no question about that. But if religion allowed it - then bring it on! Look out girls, hahaha.

It is said that the Quran clearly stated that gay men are to be abhorred but there is no mention of lesbianism. What do you say?

I think homosexuality is homosexuality. It may refer to gay men, but that may just be translation and the use of the male nouns and verbs; I think it still applies to women. Although I know in syariah law, women who sleep with other women aren’t punished as severely as men - something about keeping them captive until they see the error of their ways, or something like that. Hey, if there is a loophole somewhere… I am all ears!

***

At the end of the day, one may question one’s self: does sexuality choose you or do you choose who you want to be?

And what matters most is your goodness, yes?

Most of us who are gay, bi, or trans, at some point in our lives, we all face the challenge of breaking the news to our parents. Some of us call that coming out, that’s only if we’re lucky, regardless of the outcome.

Even though most of us in Malaysia still don’t have that opportunity, it’s always inspiring to hear a happy ending to a coming out story.

I did this audio interview for my own podcast, Ongline Podcast, for Mother’s Day, and I hope you’ll enjoy and be inspired by this mother. I am hoping that this recording will reach both queer children and especially parents of queer children. Parents who put their children ahead of their own selves.

Use the player below to listen to the show.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 6 or above) is required to play this audio clip. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Or download the MP3 file, use this link. (Right click to download)

As a muslim, I practice my faith out of love and conviction with the steadfast affirmation that my God is a loving one. I can’t imagine that God created LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) individuals just so we can be made to suffer a life of celibacy/ denial or apostasy. Telling me or my community that this is God’s test of our faith just doesn’t cut it either. Sweeping the issue under the rug or comparing homosexuality with criminal acts serves no purpose other than perpetuate and exhibit ignorance. Rape, pedophilia, bestiality or elitist genocidal dictatorship (ala Hilter) are acts that involve perpetrators and victims. Contrary to popular belief, homosexuality typically involves consenting adults (aka opposite of criminal + victim) and most of us have no desire to morally corrupting you or your family (maybe just that bigoted, closeted homophobe next door).

If anything, we are often the victims of hate crime as well as of judicial and spiritual neglect. For example, as per my article on Transsexualism in Malaysia, transgendered Malaysians with the exception of hermaphrodites have no judicial rights to official change their gender even post-surgery. Another example is that the five countries that punish homosexuality by death are officially Islamic: Saudi Arabia, Iran, Mauritania, Sudan and Yemen. Judicial neglect isn’t limited to Islamic countries, gay marriages are not recognized federally in the US. Texas even has state laws punishing sodomy. And don’t even get me started on the hate crimes!

In an example of spiritual neglect, most Islamic schools(Hanafi, Maliki, Ja’afari, Shafi’i) considers people engaging in same-sex intercourse are adulterers if they are married and fornicators if they are not. For the latter, we won’t be fornicators if the religious or judicial laws allow us to get married to our partners now, would we? For the former, if society and religious believers are more open to homosexuals, perhaps one need not resort having fake heterosexual lives. This issue holds true for many religions not just Islam.

I believe it is important to elevate awareness of and for LGBT religious believers. Religion needs to evolve with its believers. For illustration purposes, I did some quick rudimentary math (because I am geeky that way):
Let’s assume that currently Moslems are about 22% of the world population. Now, let’s assume that 5% of the world population do indeed identify themselves as a part of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgendered) community . Accordingly, there are potentially 73 million LGBT Moslems around the world based on 1.1% of 6.7 billion world population. The numbers are highly theoretical but the point is that there is potentially a large number LGBT Moslems. Arguing that all 73 million LGBT Moslems should be stoned to death, locked up till death, become atheists or celibate is not a scalable solution, very economical or convivial to a sizable chunk of the world population. Again, this problem holds true for any other religious believers not just Islam.

I propose we re-evaluate religious points of views we were brought up with. An example of reassessment is in the contextual lessons one can draw from Lot passages (source: Quran 7:80-82, 11: 70-85, 15: 66–74, 26:165-175, 27:55-58, 29:28-29). Along with rudely trying to bugger Lot’s angelic guests without of their consent (i.e. rape) and the will of their host, Lot’s people were guilty of many other things such as committing financial & political injustice (pg 993-995), infidelity, and moral transgression in the form of rampant intercourse, greed and unchecked lust according to Abdullah Yusuf Ali’s interpretation of the Quran (pg 366-367, 630-631, 927). Isn’t the better lesson to learn is to practice monogamous relationships and conduct responsible reasonable respectful actions as opposed to wholesale condemnation of homosexuality?

Sects of Christianity such as Anglican church, Episcopalian churches and Buddhism are some examples of religious bodies that already moved towards integrating the LGBT believers into their community. When is our turn?

Bonus reads:

• Malaysian Pastor To Open First Gay Friendly Church
• Al-fatiha
• Queer Muslim Revolution blog

I spent last weekend with some friends in San Francisco. We took three energetic dogs to two different parks, watched cute girls pass us by as we ate lunch at Tartine’s – fabulous bakery on Guerrero and 18th. I had just met one of the girls in our group that day. She and my other friends apparently haven’t seen each other in a while.

In one of our conversations as we were playing chase with the dogs, she mentioned nonchalantly that she believes that all religions are a hoax and that she no longer believes in god. She punctuated her statement by adding she had bacon for breakfast the morning before.

To give you more of a context, the new friend is an ex-Muslim. I stopped petting my friend’s fluffy Chow as I contemplated the news she just broke.

She had asked me if I was a practicing Muslim. I had a hard time answering her.

Read the full article at: thecicak.com