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Along with over 300 people, I attended the Kansas City’s own Fight the H8 rally. I chatted with many people and asking them why was it important that they are out there in the cold to be in this rally.

This will be one of the top issues of my life to fight for the right that was taken away from me simply because I’m gay. Yes, this is personal. You won’t stop hearing from me.

Listen to the audio podcast by clicking “play” on the audio player above.

“We didn’t vote on your marriage.”

Nakedwriter covers the Protest Against Prop 8 from downtown Boston.

Under the dreary skies of a downpour, I trudged along the sidewalks to the meeting place. No one seemed to be around. I wondered if the weather had dampened our spirits. “Even God doesn’t like us,” remarked one of my co-protesters.

And then, almost without warning, a group of semi-soaked individuals, umbrella and poster clad, came marching upon us. “Gay, straight, white, black. Marriage is a civil right!” they chanted. I was engulfed by the crowd, pulled along, and marched closely, chanting:

Gay. Straight. Black. White. Marriage is a civil right!

Supporters we passed cheered and clapped, while drivers honked their support. We made our way, half wet, to the plaza in front of the Boston City Hall. It was quite empty, quite quiet.

It took another half an hour before the crowd swelled. All sorts of people, families, couples, individuals, college students, teachers, mothers, legislators, musicians, artists, bikers, were present with their chants and boards.

“Prop 8 = Hate”

“California. WTF??”

“Liberty and Justice for All.”

“All Families are Equal.”

Speeches soon began. They crowds chanted for equality. Boo-ed at DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act). Chanted for change. Boo-ed at the people who mislabel us. Chanted for hope.

A journalist asked us, why were we internationals, unconcerned with the legalities of a foreign America, bothered about showing up. “America is seen as a pioneer. Change is followed elsewhere in USA’s footsteps…” pause “when it pertains the rights of LGBTQ,” someone said. “Because we’re fighting for an international cause: the right to love.”

“Because at home, women are told they can’t dress too manly,” I added.

This video is mainly on Professor Lessig’s opinion on Prop 8. But his arguments on separating religion from state laws as well as definitions of love and marriage is applicable to all of us struggling with social and religious bias. Please watch and spread!

Lawrence Lessig (born June 3, 1961) is an American academic and political activist. He is a professor of law at Stanford Law School and founder of its Center for Internet and Society. Lessig is a founding board member of Creative Commons, a board member of the Software Freedom Law Center and a former board member of the Electronic Frontier Foundation.[1] He is best known as a proponent of reduced legal restrictions on copyright, trademark and radio frequency spectrum, particularly in technology applications. Excerpt from Wikipedia.

I had the opportunity to meet Professor Lessig on several occasions. Though always soft-spoken and polite, his speeches whether on legal copyright or political issues are very rousing.

I had the surprise of my life today when scanning through a local Japanese newspaper, I saw two familiar faces sprawling on an ad. After a quick glance at the caption, I realized I did indeed know these two women. I wanted to share their ad and their story with you.

Margot and Koko have been together for 12 years. Along the process, they decided to have a child together - a beautiful precocious girl who is 4 years old now. I had the fortune to attend their commitment ceremony back in 2002. It was a beautiful ceremony held in the rolling green hills of Oakland, California. There were some initial drama but in the end love prevailed and both families attend the ceremony.

Margot and Koko both are very active in the LBGT community in the micro and macro level. I remember when I first came out, they were both there to give me supporting shoulders and friendly ears. Many Asian Pacific Islander (API) lesbians can attest to the same. They are also involved in almost every major LGBT initiatives in the Bay Area since I can remember. Not only were they instrumental in publishing a Chinese-English coming out booklet* but they are key principles of the API LGBT events around the Bay Area as well.

Margot’s stories about coming out to her parents inspired me to be open to mine. Margot, who is originally from Sabah, is open about her sexual orientation and her relationship with Koko to her family. The trust and support given to her in return by her parents is truly inspirational.

Evidence to this support is in the marketing spread where Margot’s dad joins their fight against California Prop 8.

I find their energy and dedication to each other and to the community very inspiring.

Here is the ad and the translation:

letcaliforniaring.org

Ad Translation:
“My wife and I have been married for 50 years. And now, my daughter and her partner have the chance to do the same” – James Yapp.

We knew Koko was the one for Margot when we met her. They met at the Lunar New Year parade, the Year of the Rat. Koko was wearing mouse ears and chatting with everyone. She has always been open with us, and she and Margot love each other. My wife Teoto and I love seeing them taking care of one another, so happy together, year after year.

After 11 years as a couple, California finally allowed Margot and Koko to get legally married. We supported their marriage every step of the way – literally! Together, my wife and I walked Margot down the aisle. We are all family now and family matters so much.

STRONG COMMITMENTS. STRONG FAMILIES.

Join the conversation at www.californiaring.org
================

In the couple’s own words “We want to spread the word out to as many California voters we can get. Please vote no on Prop 8!”

* 4th edition of “Beloved Daughter” booklet contains 14 stories by parents and siblings of Chinese lesbians about their coming-out in both Chinese and English. Please email MAPBLN for a FREE copy!

Comparing the success rates of heterosexual relationship with homosexual ones is like comparing the commercial successes of football with that of jeet kun do.

Almost all heterosexual relationships, especially heterosexual families, are buttressed by the bastions of peer and family support, fiercely guarded by the institutions of law (in most countries) and (conservative) religion, and reaffirmed by the current (but changing) moral-cultural zeitgeist, which in turn fortifies the aforementioned factors that perpetuate the heterosexual relationship as the archetype romantic/sexual relationship. The same cannot be said of homosexual relationships.

All relationships are not without challenges, but homosexual couples often have to make do without the social-cultural bulwarks which uphold heterosexual relationships through thick and thin. Thus, it isn’t a surprise that homosexual couples are more susceptible to crumbling in times of adversity compared to their heterosexual counterparts.

Those “homophobic naysayers” are not unlike the fatalistic schoolteachers who take a dim view of the potential of some of their pupils. Not only are they harden in their belief that their subjects will not succeed, they also drum their message into their subjects that their subjects WILL fail. Of course, some of their more vulnerable subjects eventually take heed of the message. In the end, these “homophobic naysayers” become self-fulfilling prophets. They sow the seeds they want to see (or think will see), and when the plants grow eventually, they point towards the plants and justify their belief in the inevitability of the plants.

Having said that, there are many successful homosexual relationships out there, which thrive despite the negativity that surrounds them. All committed, lasting relationships, heterosexual or otherwise, are internally founded upon and fortified by love, which is more powerful than any external legal-political/socio-cultural obstacle in the world.

Homophobic naysayers claim that gay relationships can’t stand the test of time. Certainly one of the numerous brickbats used to assail the already shaky institution of gay marriage.

As much as I’d love to rail against such a unfair accusation, it’s getting pretty hard to deny the evidence. In the space of at least six months, I’ve seen quite a number of supposedly sturdy relationships crumble and fall under the veriest whiff of a storm. As a statistic in comparison with our breeder brothers, it’s starting to look really bad.

Time to raze the building!
So why do we fail?

Maybe it’s the fact that most of us can be pretty sophomoric in our search for love. Let’s face it, when it comes to relationships, we’re still kids. Our straight brethren might have worked through their rampant teenage hormones with furtive high school gropes way before their early twenties but for some of us gay men - in our thirties even - we’re just beginning to troll the bars in search of that elusive thing called love. Men just out of the proverbial closet with the dating mores of a horny impatient post-adolescent at a dating buffet.

Is it any wonder that we find ourselves splitting up and getting back together as often as the fickle schoolgirls in Gossip Girl do? With quite as little permanence?

Just like those teenagers we abandon our relationships far too easily - giving up on the entire structure at the first sign of adversity. Thinking back, I must have done pretty much the same as well. We expect that solid stone castle to appear magically at the snap of our fingers without even putting in a single hard day’s work building the proper foundation. Then just one stone out of place, a squeaky door, a broken window - and we’re rushing in with sticks of dynamite to demolish the place.

But just like any brick-and-mortar building, a relationship needs daily upkeep, the occasional renovation and lots of TLC to keep from crumbling to dust.

It happens to the best of us. Sometimes, our feelings get in the way of our logic and we start falling for the people closest to us - people whom we love with all our heart and soul, yet know may never reciprocate our love despite all we’ve been through together. The straight people. Your best friend. Your colleague. Your college mate. You know that although you share a common bond, your sexuality is different and vastly separate than that of theirs - and for fear of rejection, you hide the truth.

Perhaps it will go away, you think. Perhaps, it’s just a crush - a phase. Perhaps he / she won’t ever have to know that I’m in love with him / her but unknowingly, having spent enough time in their company - your attraction culminates to a point where you simply cannot have it be a secret anymore.

You reveal it.

It is a true test of friendship. Some of us are rejected cruelly. Others are let down gently, their friendship never faltering - but falling for the straight people teaches us that humans feel deeply for others, irregardless of sexuality - and some understand it enough to let you protect your emotions as a friend, while others are blinded by stereotype and paranoia that they avoid socializing with a gay person for fear of inevitably catching some sort of a virus, or even worse - be branded gay as well.

It’s the way the humans work: we reject those we do not understand.

For me, I understand what it’s like to be on the end of the rejected - having been on the receiving end of cruel cold rejection before and I understand exactly what it is like to be on one end of the spectrum only to see the man I love on the other end; knowing that we can never be together. That doesn’t stop me from loving him however, and six years on - I still do. He was my first love, and although it never worked out - somewhere in the back of my memory, I still remember who and what he was to me as if it was yesterday.

This is my story.

I was sixteen then, and it was February 2002 and Mattheu had just returned to the country, having spent the last few years in the United States. We were in the same class, but never talked until one day - by accident, my pants caught on a nail, tore open a gaping hole and I became the laughing stock of the class. But Mattheu, unlike the others didn’t laugh - instead, he fetched a needle and thread from the teacher’s office, brought it back and helped me sew my the tear. And that was when I first met him.

We became good friends. Months on, Mattheu and I spent long hours together - games was the common ground between us, and he taught me to love basketball, speak in a wild unknown lingo, and dance. There were some laughs, and some great moments together - and two long years had passed, I fell for him.

I suppose it was because he seemed much more older; and there was a tone of maturity in his voice. He was cute in the way he acted, he was well-built and smelled good and the American accent he had on him was wickedly attractive.

One day during a sleepover at his place, I lost my senses: I kissed Mattheu.

We were at his grandmother’s house then, it was two days after Eid and he had lost his grandmother a few days ago. Caught us by shock it did; we woke up one morning to find a commotion: his grandmother had collapsed in the bathroom and had fallen into a coma. Three hours later, she had passed on in the early hours of the morning and a funeral was immediately held to whatever relatives and friends were present and available at the moment.

As Mattheu grieved over the loss of his grandmother, I felt the kiss was a comfort to him - or as much as I thought of it as comfort in the darkest times. But when he awoke to the peck on his forehead, he turned aside in another turmoil to the sudden realization that his best friend was gay.

Telling his parents about the kiss, they told him to stay away from me - and after I got back from his kampung; was the last I heard of him. Three days later however, when I was visiting a friend’s house - he showed up, much to my surprise when he said he wouldn’t be coming back anytime in the next two weeks.

Words were exchanged over the dinner table that evening, and Mattheu told me the true reason of why he stayed away. He could not accept the fact that I was gay, and when I admitted to the kiss and my sexuality - our friends supported him; not one interested in what I had to say about the nature of the kiss. It was at that brief moment that I felt the strongest pain in my heart, and realized that I had lost a friendship, breached it with a forbidden love; my love unrequited.

Five years later, I am still battling the memory of the things I did and the friendships I botched up, as well as the misunderstandings between the both of us and the lack of honesty we could’ve given. And I can still remember Mattheu telling me that we were two world’s apart - two cultures different, and that he could never understand the kiss I gave him, even if it was on the forehead. Sometimes I do even still feel the burning sensation of the loneliness and the long periods of silence without his company and how much I remembered - that that was the time I most wanted to curl up in a hole six feet under, and die.

Still I love him very much, and even though we could never have been together. But despite the age-old gay warning, telling us to “not fall for the straight people” - perhaps if there were less prejudice and more understanding, we would all respect each other as humans better.

Growing up as a gay male wasn’t always a terrible thing for me. The only struggle I ever faced was the fight within my own frame of mind. No one was bothered about who I liked (sexually) or whether I was straight (or not). Occasionally, in my teens and even in my early adulthood, people would ask me the “are you gay?” question – a question I always brilliantly found a way to answer with another question, leaving everyone even more curious. I always answered in a manner that would not arouse suspicion. I guess that was how I allowed people to just ignore who I am and let me live how I want.

The excitement in my life came when I started trying to ignore my homosexuality. I remind myself of those people we sometimes contentiously call “ex-gays” – gays who don’t want to be gay. I went through that phase for a while. I blame it on the warnings I got from “biblical prohibition” on gay behavior. I come from a somewhat liberal yet devoted Christian family. It haunted me. It made me shy away from accepting who I really was, until I realized one day that religion should help people accept themselves,and not doubt whoever and whatever they are.

I was one of those who got influenced for a while with the whole concept of heteronormativity. Deep inside I knew I was gay, but at times I had to conform to the things that were deemed acceptable socially. It caused me to feel uncomfortable sometimes, but it certainly made me stronger, eventually.

I struggled for a while. I wanted to be myself and totally let go, but I couldn’t. I wanted to love freely, but I was afraid of what would happen.

Then things turned around when I attended a talk in some church. A question on homosexuality was posed. I turned from a sleepy participant to one wide awake, eager to hear how the speaker, an old priest, was going to answer the question: “Is homosexuality something really that unacceptable?”

I smiled. Finally… something interesting.

The reply from the priest shocked me. This old, mumbly priest replied with a very sweet smile:
“Look at it this way – love is love. Sometimes homosexuals can show a kind of love that is even purer than the kind of love straight people have. Straight couples fight and quarrel. So do homosexuals. Love is love; who is to say who you can or cannot fall in love with? Sometimes homosexuals can teach us a thing or two about love, because they may sometimes be more affectionate than the rest of us.”

I almost wanted to shout a loud “Amen!” but thought I’d just keep to myself.

Love is love. Who in the world has the right to tell you what kind of person you must fall in love with?

I began to love myself more. And because of that, I can express my love outwardly better. Love is love.

You see, even though homosexuals suffer from derisive jokes and have to endure annoying labels of all sorts, we do know what love feels like. Being gay is just another way of being.

Many thanks to KL Fairy for contributing this post. KL Fairy blogs at www.klfairy.blogspot.com.

(image from www.foxnews.com)

Prince Daniel was galloping down the streets of the mythical land of Kuala Lipis on his great white steed one day when something caught his eye. While it wasn’t the prettiest or the most vivacious specimen he has ever encountered, that one person managed to arouse Prince Daniel’s desire and make his beat skip a beat.

That person was drenched in sweat after a hard day’s work, had jet black hair that flowed like a waterfall, with a face that bore the slightest hint of strength yet portrayed every inch of youthful tenderness. That person stood out of the crowd glaringly, but managed to blend in to the vast curiosities around.

Being the dashing debonair he always is, Prince Daniel walked up to that one person out of the crowd and ask the person out on a date. He said yes.

Sounds familiar?

It is the classic fairy tale beginning to all great love stories. Boy meets one true love. Boy falls in love and both of them live happily ever after. While this might be the ultimate fantasy for little girls, little boys like me do have them sometimes (always!).

While in this fairy tale there are two princes and no princess, the plot develops the same way if the princess was thrown into the mix: true love will always prevail and the happily ever after is soon to follow.

However, reality check, not everything happens like they do in fairy tales and it usually does not end with a happy ending. Most of the times, the two princes have to deal with a lot from the townsfolk’s erratic behaviour towards gays before living in the istana. Or even worst, the two princes would have to live double lives as straight men and arrange secret meetings in the dark of night to profess their love to each other. In other worst case scenario, the two princes might be stoned to death or burned at the stakes.

It is so easy for the townsfolk to spread love and joy towards each other, while chanting cries of unity and equal love for all races across the country and yet, it is so difficult for them to grasp the simple bond the two princes’ share for each other. Most townsfolk believe it is unnatural and sinful for the prince to fall in love with another prince, let alone for a prince to harbour feelings for another man.

How can the townsfolk practice what they preach about love, fairness, unity and equality when they could not simply give a chance to the two princes to live happily ever after? Is the townsfolk one true purpose on Earth to make the two princes lives a living hell? After all, all the two princes did was to love one another.

While the ending of this fairy tale is unforeseeable, we can send our best wishes to the two princes. In the mean time, it is time we embrace our own identity and started telling and educating people how similar we are.

Show the townsfolk that we not any different than they are. Show them that we are all human and are bonded together by the same flesh and blood. Show to them the universal love we share amongst gays to them. Eventually, when we open our hearts and extend a loving arm, a willing and understanding hand would reach back and grasp it.

To all gays out there, while society is being a bitch, out to make our lives hard, hold on tight to who you are. Against all the odds, your knight in shining armour is on the way. While he might be late due to the massive traffic jam along Jalan Sultan Ismail, rest assured, he is on the way.

P.S. Shh.. I wrote this during work, and I doubt that my boss would be very happy to find out that his employee is cajoling behind his back!!

Cheers,
KL Fairy.

www.klfairy.blogspot.com

I am currently in a happy, committed and fulfilling relationship with a person of the same sex. However, this person is neither a homosexual nor a bisexual. Or rather, this person is strictly heterosexual. If you are puzzled, then read on. 

I assume that you are probably one of many, many people who assume that one is only capable of falling in love with persons of the sex you are attracted to. I also assume that you probably also assume that the sexual orientation of a person can be determined by the sex of the person he/she falls in love with. Underlying these assumptions is another assumption: that sexual attraction is one of the indispensable prerequisites for love.

I beg to differ.

Sexual orientation is only but the categorization of which sex you are physically and sexually attracted to, and nothing more than that.

Falling in love is, on the other hand, a yearning to spend your life with a person, believing that that person is the most wonderful human in the world, and loving that person unconditionally for who that person is. Love does not give a damn about your dress size or your football club affliation, whether you are white, black or polka dot, which set of reproductive organs you possess or even if you possess any at all. Love is blind as a bat.  

Most of us probably come across many people whom we find sexually attractive in our daily life. That dashing captain of your school’s football team. That vivacious lady who works in the human resource department in your company. We do not, however, always find ourselves falling head over heels in love with these people in the purest sense.

We do, on the other hand, often fall in love with people whom we would not have considered as sexually attractive in a platonic relationship. Thus, we fall in love with people with bulging beer bellies, people who are mentally handicapped, people with a disastrous fashion sense, people who are significantly older etc. And yes, people whose anatomical make-up we may not be naturally inclined to desire. (Or even people whose anatomy may not be complete at all due to cancer, physical handicap, accidents etc) Yes, we are capable of falling in love with people who may be sexually very unattractive.

Thus, even though I am not naturally inclined to be sexually attracted to males, that does not mean that falling in love with a boy is an absolute impossibility for me. I may not be physically attracted to persons of his sex, but I am very capable of falling in love with people who are unique, mature, sincere, caring and intelligent, regardless of their sex. I cannot automatically love someone just because I am physically attracted to that person. I can, however, find someone physically attractive because I love that person.

Gay rights activists and those who condemn homosexuality like to bicker over whether sexual orientation is fixed or malleable. While the fact remains that sexual orientation is shaped by both biological and social forces, and that it is neither determined by fate nor changeable at will, gay rights activists almost always only stress on the former and their adversaries, the latter. At times, both sides argue so well that we are led to believe that if sexual orientation is “proven” to be fixed, then it is assured that one is incapable of falling in love with a person whose sex is counterintuitive to his/her sexual orientation. They devote so much effort to debating whether homosexuality is “natural” and legitimate, that they miss the more important issue of So What If It Is Not Natural? So What if I am a heterosexual but I choose to fall in love with a person of the same sex? And so what if I am a homosexual but I choose to fall in love with a person of the opposite sex? Is it not a very natural thing to fall in love?  

If I had believed that sexual attraction is the sole basis for falling in love with someone, then I would have given up all hope of pursuing that girl whom I fell in love with who happens to be heterosexual. But I did not. And now I am so glad I did not.

The girl whom I fell in loved with, is very pretty, but I fell in love with her for so many reasons other than her physical beauty, for the qualities in her which are eternal, for the beauty in her which only the heart can see. And because I love her, she becomes stunningly beautiful in my eyes.

Yong Wei is still a teenager. She would like to be idealistic and optimistic about life and love without being accused of naivete while she is still allowed to do so.