Archive | Coming Out

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“Everytime we fuck, we win.”

Posted on 11 August 2009 by jiahuilee

Reading a collection of essays on indigenous rights kept reminding me about the similarities the movement for indigenous rights have with the movement for queer rights. In an essay by Kirk Endicott*, where he lists an amazing number of oppressive policies the federal and state government practices against the Orang Asli and indigenous groups of Borneo (i.e. low compensation for snatching land away, destructive Islamic missionary initiatives, and a Jabatan Hal Ehwal Orang Asli that is made up of Malays), the struggle of the Orang Asli and other indigenous peoples around the world, in their act of revolution against the hegemonizing nation-state, reminds me of an inspiring manifesto I had once read. Finding it today, again, I want to share a touching paragraph on the politics of reclamation and self-identification – one that, if sometimes seems more confrontational than conciliatory, restores faith in the self-worth of the community. In the indigenous communities that most of the time lack proper access to infrastructure and education, such a manifesto, I hope, renews some hope for coalition building (perhaps not at the expense of making invisible the diversity within the coalition) so that our Original Peoples are included in Najib’s farcical 1Malaysia.

A paragraph from the manifesto of Queer Nation.

“AN ARMY OF LOVERS CANNOT LOSE

Being queer is not about a right to privacy; it is about the freedom to be public, to just be who we are. It means everyday fighting oppression; homophobia, racism, misogyny, the bigotry of religious hypocrites and our own self-hatred. (We have been carefully taught to hate ourselves.) And now of course it means fighting a virus as well, and all those homo-haters who are using AIDS to wipe us off the face of the earth. Being queer means leading a different sort of life. It’s not about the mainstream, profit-margins, patriotism, patriarchy or being assimilated. It’s not about executive directors, privilege and elitism. It’s about being on the margins, defining ourselves; it’s about gender- fuck and secrets, what’s beneath the belt and deep inside the heart; it’s about the night. Being queer is “grass roots” because we know that everyone of us, every body, every cunt, every heart and ass and dick is a world of pleasure waiting to be explored. Everyone of us is a world of infinite possibility. We are an army because we have to be. We are an army because we are so powerful. (We have so much to fight for; we are the most precious of endangered species.) And we are an army of lovers because it is we who know what love is. Desire and lust, too. We invented them. We come out of the closet, face the rejection of society, face firing squads, just to love each other! Every time we fuck, we win. We must fight for ourselves (no one else is going to do it) and if in that process we bring greater freedom to the world at large then great. (We’ve given so much to that world: democracy, all the arts, the concepts of love, philosophy and the soul, to name just a few gifts from our ancient Greek Dykes, Fags.) Let’s make every space a Lesbian and Gay space. Every street a part of our sexual geography. A city of yearning and then total satisfaction. A city and a country where we can be safe and free and more. We must look at our lives and see what’s best in them, see what is queer and what is straight and let that straight chaff fall away! Remember there is so, so little time. And I want to be a lover of each and every one of you. Next year, we march naked.”

For the rest of the manifesto, please visit here.

*Kirk Endicott, with his wife, Karen Endicott, have published a book on the egalitarian social relationships, including gender!!, in the Batek community of Malaysia. He has also edited and written several works on indigenous rights and the Orang Asli and indigenous communities of Malaysia. His bio page can be read here.

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Sayoni launches preliminary version of Coming Out Guide

Posted on 03 August 2009 by lainie

Booklet cover

Sayoni presents the first ever Coming Out Guide in Singapore. Please provide your feedback on the guide.

This preliminary version of the guide was launched on 1 August, at the opening of IndigNation 2009, Singapore’s pride season.

From Launch of Coming Out Guide (preliminary version)

While I haven’t read the entire pdf, I did manage to go through a few sections and I feel that certain sections (debunking myths!) will be helpful for those with questions towards their own sexuality. Anj Ho, one of the presenters for Seksualiti Merdeka last year on spotting homophobic traits, is heading the team behind this booklet.

It also shows with simple diagrams and explanations, how sexuality orientation is comprised of sexual identity, attraction and behaviour. If you’ve ever wondered why certain things queer people do conflict with ideas you have on what they should be doing (ie: is a lesbian who sleeps with a man still a lesbian?), you should probably pick up some 101 guidance here.

Give it a go and see how you react to the content.

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Ongline Asia 1 & 2

Posted on 06 July 2009 by John Ong

If you didn’t get to listen to the two hours that I did for Pride48, here are the two hours of shows from last weekend’s Pride48 live webcast.

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Voice Comment: (206) 338-ONG-9

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Ongline Podcast

:: download file :: listen on iPhone ::

Duration: 56:13 | 26.1MB | Mono |

Chatting with a couple of my Asian friends about Pride and being gay in Malaysia.

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Ongline Podcast
:: download file :: listen on iPhone ::

Duration: 59:16 | 27.5MB | Mono |

Gay role models in Asia. Sex in Asia. I broke into Malaysian English off and on.

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Crawling Out Of The Closet

Posted on 01 July 2009 by Gabrielle Chong Yong Wei

Many thanks to one of our readers, Padawan, for contributing this article.

I got a little bit nutty this afternoon, nutty in a sense that I actually considered telling my mom that I am gay.

I do not know what got into me this afternoon, but it never quite struck me before this that I should actually consider letting my mom know the truth regarding sexuality. But why? Well maybe I am just tired of hiding it from her all the time. I have always told her that “I will never get married”…to a man that is, but I never said anything about being married to a woman. I never denied being gay to my mother, and neither did I ever admit that I was straight, ever.

It did occur to me today that there is nothing thats stopping me from changing my status quo in my family. It is just really a matter of whether I wanted to. So what if her youngest daughter suddenly told her that she is gay? I mean, what is the most she could do to me? Throw me out? Disown me? Probably, but not likely – after all, I am her ‘anak kesayangan’ (I admit) since my (straight) siblings have already left the nest.

I think before this, the thought of ‘coming out’ of my parents would seem entirely alien. And by ‘this’ I would mean before graduating and getting a decent job, which I only just begun at this year. Now that I somewhat have control over my finances, its sure as hell is a possibility that I could one day go to my mom and tell her,”‘mom, I don’t like men and I cannot ever be with one”. Maybe…just maybe.

I wonder how many PLUs out there suffer this predicament; parents do not that know you are gay, mom wants to hook you up with so-and-so’s son who is a who’s-who of some company. It must annoy you to bits! And you just want to shout out aloud “Mom I’m gay!’. I address this topic to the boys too. It must be harder for them. If you’re 30 (for example), single, got a good job and gay, mom’s bound to realise that you have never brought any of your ’friends’ home for dinner.

I am quite fortunate to have parents that are quite liberal, liberal in a sense that they do not expect me to find a man and start making babies rightaway. As far as my mother goes, she is completely fine with me remaining single all my life…but me being a lesbian? I am….not so sure though.

The essence of ‘coming out’ is surely not confined to just your family. But I am sure, for many, that is the starting point as gaining acceptance for who you are from the people who are closest to you, surely means alot. But I am sure there are just as many of us who would rather hide the truth from mom and dad simply because we would rather not break their hearts. I think I am quite right to say that most parents would rather not have their children turn out to be gay.

And to be honest I am not sure about this whole ‘coming out’ thing either. Although most of my gay friends do tell me that I have ‘gay’ written all over me. But heck, what do they know, they are just as gay as I am (haha). Plus, I would be darned if people at work knew about how gay I was (very). Which makes me take a step back and look at this whole ‘coming out’ issue more carefully, now I simply would not want my boss or colleagues to know would I?No way.

It seems like I am taking baby-steps at coming out of the closet. It seems after spending 20-odd years in there (I have been gay for as long as I can remember) I have gotten quite comfortable in there, a tad reluctant to step out..perhaps doing it one foot at a time for now, and occasionally stepping back in and shutting the door because I just do not know if it will be okay if I come out.

Occasionally it does get a little lonely in there. I know a part of me feels the need to be addressed by my own ‘team’ someday. It could just be that I am longing to find somewhere I belong in this world. What about you?

I hope you do not think I am pathetic. I have only a handful of PLU friends and all my best friends are straight. I do not hang out at gay clubs because I am not really interested in the gay clubbing scene altogether. What I appreciate is people like you and me, who are realistic about living in this straight straight real world, were we have work, earn and face the boss, come home from work and have dinner with your mother.

I discovered TiltedWorld close to a year ago, and it took me that long to finally say something around here. Well, maybe I am taking baby steps at this whole ‘coming out’ thing, albeit too small of a step maybe. But then again, what is the rush in it? Being gay is about knowing who you are inside, rather than who knows that you are gay.

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Invention of Self

Posted on 25 June 2009 by ana_a

Great talk on self by Sarah Jones in one of the TED talk series. Her characters just blew me away. One of them talked about dealing with her daughter coming out. Check the video out

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Don’t Ask Don’t Tell: What will Obama do?

Posted on 11 May 2009 by jiahuilee

From CBS News: http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/05/08/politics/politicalhotsheet/entry5001396.shtml

In spite of President Obama’s declared stance against the “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” policy that keeps openly gay individuals out of the military, the U.S. Army on Thursday told Lt. Dan Choi he is being dismissed for publicly revealing his homosexuality.

Choi is not the first servicemember to be dismissed because of his sexuality under the Obama administration, but his dismissal stands out because of his noted skills. Choi is an infantry platoon leader in the New York National Guard who is fluent in Arabic. He graduated West Point and recently returned from Iraq.

As founding member of Knights Out, an organization for openly gay, lesbisan, bisexual, and transgender West Point alumni and their supporters, Choi advocates allowing openly gay people to serve in the military. He announced his own sexuality on MSNBC on March 19.

On the campaign trail, Mr. Obama specifically criticized the dismissal of openly gay servicemen who have special language skills. He also told the Advocate, a gay newsmagazine, that the don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy is a “counterproductive strategy.”

“We’re spending large sums of money to kick highly qualified gays or lesbians out of our military, some of whom possess specialties like Arab-language capabilities that we desperately need,” he said in an interview with the magazine. “That doesn’t make us more safe.”

Since the don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy was implemented during the Clinton administration, around 12,500 servicemembers have been dismissed because of their sexuality. 

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What will Obama do?

The White House also recently came under fire from liberal bloggers who noted a change in the language addressing the issue on Whitehouse.gov. The site initially said Mr. Obama supported “repealing” don’t-ask-don’t-tell, but it later said the president supported “changing” the policy “in a sensible way.” After taking heat on the matter, the White House changed the wording on Whitehouse.gov once again to say the president “supports repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in a sensible way that strengthens our armed forces and our national security.”

Defense Secretary Robert Gates has also been noncomittal about repealing the policy. While touring war colleges in April, Gates said he did not yet have a position on whether gay troops should be open about their sexuality.

Mr. Obama has also come under pressure from gay advocates to appoint an openly gay person to the Supreme Court.

Posted by Stephanie Condon, May 8, 2009 11:33 AM.
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Lt. Choi has recently appeared again on Rachel Maddow’s show. He has just received his letter of termination from the military. The interview also highlighted a personal letter written to Sandy Tsao, a woman in the military who had just come out as gay and has also been informed that she will be withdrawn from the military. You can watch the You Tube video below:

In the first 100 days of Obama’s presidency, there has been mounting pressure for Obama to speak up on what he intends to do when it comes to issues pertaining to gay rights, the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy and same sex marriage. Maine, Iowa, and Vermont have recently sanctioned same sex marriage in the past few months. And pressure is building for the Federal Government to pass same sex marriage in the United States. There is also increasing pressure for Obama to repeal the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy in the military, which states that somebody can be fired from the military on the basis of homosexual conduct, which includes coming out publicly.

The CNN video below provides a great summary of the current situation here in the US.

1. DADT: Sandy Tsao and Dan Choi explains.

2. Same sex marriage: Can you hear us, Obama?

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The Question of Homosexuality: The Story and Science of Sexual Preference

Posted on 22 March 2009 by Alex

Reposted from Tufts Observer.

By Seth Stein

When does a man become straight or gay? Is it a choice or is it predetermined? If it is a choice, as certain groups claim, then the issue is further complicated: why would a person willingly join an oppressed minority? Perhaps the discussion should start on a more personal, albeit admittedly non-scientific, note.

I grew up in downtown Chicago. One of my best friends grew up about four blocks away from me. We come from similar socioeconomic strata; both of our parents are professionals. He has an older sister; I have an older half-brother and half-sister. We attended the same day camp as children and the same high school as adolescents. We both attend prestigious top-tier universities now. Yet he recently came out as a gay man and is very active in the LGBT community at his school, while I’m a heterosexual with a girlfriend. What “makes” him gay and me straight?

Before examining what in his life led him to be gay, it is important to understand what a gay man is. Homosexual behavior, as in same-sex sexual parings, is as old as the human species. The Greeks, the Romans, and Samurai all practiced pederasty; various other kinds of homosexual behavior have been the norm in societies across the globe. But a gay man—a man who has exclusively same-sex relations with romantic attachments—is a modern phenomenon. The Greek who has a boy lover that he trains to be a warrior, but also has his wife to maintain the home, is not a homosexual. A man who self-identifies as gay, has strong attraction for same-sex relations, and chooses not to adhere to the norms of straight society, certainly is a homosexual.

 

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The Gay Community

To understand homosexual behavior, not identity, we can use the animal world as a guide. Homosexual behavior is commonplace among other primates. The most popular theory used to describe this behavior is called the “alliance formation hypothesis.” Simply put, homosexual behavior allows lower-ranking males to cement alliances with higher-ranked males or other lower-ranked males; this allows them access to resources they either would not have had before or would have had limited access too. The main resource, ironically enough, is access to females. Homosexual behavior, just like heterosexual behavior, is used to cement social bonds. In this light, the ancient Greeks and Romans aren’t outliers—they are the norm.

But where did the modern gay community come from? Around the 19th century there were fundamental changes taking place in Western Europe that would transform the face of the world—industrialization, nationalism, and the modern nation-state. It should not be surprising that the first homosexual community—who looked to men exclusively for romantic and sexual relations—emerged in the most advanced state of the time, Great Britain. Freed from traditional family arrangements and social constraints, as well as the ability to lead independent lives with relative autonomy and anonymity, they embraced their sexual desires towards members of the same sex.

The division of the world into gay and straight quickly followed the creation of the first gay communities. Up until the early 18th century, it was not uncommon for married Englishmen to engage in homosexual intercourse on occasion. However, the burgeoning field of biological science quickly ended the fluid sexuality that had been the norm in Western civilization from ancient times. Rapid advances in medicine spurred doctors to classify homosexuality as a deviant behavior and therefore an illness or defect. This was instrumental in further separating those who chose to engage in homosexual behavior and those who did not. People now began to self-identify as either gay or straight.

The tendency for both the homosexual and the heterosexual worlds to practice exclusively same-or opposite-sex relations caused gay men to develop an alternative community to the predominantly heterosexual world. Before the community came out of the closet in the 1960s, it was maintained by secretive bars and meeting places. There were clearly established ways of suggesting to possible partners that a man was gay. This is where the stereotype of the effeminate gay man originates; gay men would commonly act more effeminate to signal to other men that they were gay.

As studies of human sexuality in the United States were almost nonexistent before the 1960’s, little was known about this underground community. Alfred Kinsey, in his famous report on human sexuality, opened the doors to this world and may have laid the basis for the gay civil rights movement. He challenged the common misconception that one is either gay or straight, positing that human sexuality exists on a continuum, and, throughout their lives, people can and will engage in both homosexual and heterosexual behavior. That being said, Kinsey did allow that most men engaged in predominantly opposite-or same-sex relations, not a combination of the two.

This caused a sea of changes in the homosexual world. Kinsey allowed that homosexual behavior was not deviant but in fact perfectly normal. As the community came out of the closet in the 1960’s, fundamental cultural changes took place that allowed gay men to express themselves in new ways. Being gay changed from being a dark secret to being alternative; gay scientists and activists sought to end the discrimination they experienced from mainstream society.

At this point the gay community shifted from an underground, largely self-contained community into a political unit. As black Americans demanded that they not be discriminated against on the basis of their genetic skin color, so gay men demanded that they not be discriminated against on the basis of their sexual orientation. Scientists sought to find the “cause” for homosexuality–if orientation was indeed genetic or biological, then it was senseless to discriminate on that basis. However, more conservative scientists and religious groups sought to prove that homosexuality was a choice and therefore not protected by civil rights legislation. And thus inquiry into the biological basis of homosexuality took on politically charged tones that skewed our understanding of homosexuality for decades.

Nature vs. Nurture

Fortunately, our understanding of homosexuality and human sexuality in general has advanced by leaps and bounds; homosexuality is no longer listed in the DSM-IV as a mental illness. The most extensive twin study on sexual orientation ever undertaken was recently published in Sweden. Comparing twins, the study demonstrated that human homosexuality has a genetic factor, an environmental factor, and a social factor. All of these factors play together to increase or decrease the probability that an individual will be a homosexual. The results of the study suggest that environmental factors account for about 60% of sexual orientation, while genes account for another 40% (refer to the sidebar for an analysis of this study).

The genetic basis of homosexuality is a puzzle to biologists—why would a trait that causes a person not to have offspring be preserved in the human species? This puzzle, however, is misleading; although homosexuals currently leave around 1/5th the offspring of their heterosexual counterparts, historically we have no evidence of how many offspring homosexuals could have produced as they were most likely not exclusively homosexual. The genes that contribute to male homosexuality have been postulated to be located on X chromosome and therefore passed down the mother’s line. In a tip of the hat to the elegance of evolution, one theory suggests these genes seem to make women more fertile while also contributing to male homosexuality. As such, the dearth of offspring produced by gay males is offset by greater numbers of offspring produced by women carrying the gene.

As previously stated, genetic factors are not the only determinant of homosexuality, and modern science shows they may have an even smaller effect than we think. Current theory is exploring unique environmental factors, i.e. the state of the fetus in the mother’s womb. The biggest determinant for homosexuality seems to be birth order; the successive sons after the first of a woman are the most likely to be gay. Why this is the case is still not clear, but it may have something to do with hormone levels in the womb. Testosterone plays a major role in sexual development in fetuses, and it is theorized that the first son, who produces testosterone in the mother’s womb, causes the mother’s body to become sensitized to the molecule. The mother will start producing testosterone antibodies that could change the hormone balance of her successive sons, which may increase the likelihood that he is a homosexual.

Regardless of the cause of homosexuality, there are some biological differences between a gay and straight person’s brain. Recent studies, which are considered controversial by some, show that gay men’s brains more closely resemble the brains of straight women. In other words, gay men have stronger vocalization skills and lower visuospatial intelligence than straight men. These differences are not drastic or universal, but they do shed light on a biological component of male homosexuality.

It is apparent that homosexuality has a biological basis, but few of the factors that contribute to homosexuality seem to predetermine it; in other words many different factors work together to make homosexuality more likely. Social factors are important as well. The process of “coming out” is actually a very ordered and regular socialization process, in which an individual chooses to self-identify as a gay man and pursue their sexual desires toward the same sex. This is part of the polarization of male sexuality—men who come out to be gay identify as strongly with exclusive homosexuality as your average straight man identifies with exclusive heterosexuality.

What is clear is that homosexuality certainly has its biological, social, and cultural elements. A fascinating confluence of these factors is the “gay ghetto.” Being a Chicagoan, this concept is hardly foreign to me. Northalsted, commonly known as “Boy’s Town” is an accepted part of the Chicago landscape, geographically positioned near other primarily young and progressive neighborhoods. In Boy’s Town shops fly the rainbow flag, men at bars expect other men to be gay and gay political organizations are organized from the community. Because of its tight-knit community spirit, Boy’s Town was one of the few urban neighborhoods to grow and gentrify throughout the entirety of the last four decades, even during the height of urban decline and white flight. As urban renewal became the order of the day in the last decade or so, Boy’s Town has been an essential mover in revitalizing Chicago’s north side.

Conclusion

What do all these facts mean when we look at them together? Gay men are actually different from straight men, both biologically and socially. So is that what makes my friend different from me?

The short answer is no. My friend and I are actually the same in every way that matters. He wants to find someone who he can love and who can love him back. He wants to be with someone he is attracted to who can offer new things in his life. He wants to be happy and satisfied. At the same time, his sexual orientation is not important at all in other large areas of his life—what he studies, what he likes to do, and who he chooses as his friends. I do not consider it too high a compliment to describe him as one of my most cherished friends—a role he filled even before he came out of the closet.

But why then is this the kind of person we are allowed to demonize in such horrible ways? Our cultural bias against homosexuals is so strong that the groups opposed to marriage in California didn’t even try to cover their motives. Instead they explicitly said they were anti-gay rights.

Fortunately times are changing much faster than the conservative forces in society can contain them. Americans our age are much more likely than even our parents, who were hippies, to be accepting of gay and lesbian individuals. Even young evangelicals are sick of beating the sodomy drum and would much rather focus on traditional progressive causes like poverty alleviation. I honestly believe that by the time I am my parents’ age my friend will be able to get married legally.

Even though things are changing quickly, that is not a license for inaction. While I enjoy the full range of rights and opportunities any society can provide, my friend does not. He is a second-class citizen. Gay rights is the civil rights issue of our generation. Liberty by gradations is not liberty, it is hierarchy. True liberty is all or nothing, and, until all people in the United States enjoy and practice their full rights, we will not be a free people—just mostly free.

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“When I come out on Xmas day”

Posted on 11 December 2008 by lainie

This is the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Choir, with “Coming out on Christmas”

Some of the lyrics:

I intend to drop a bomb,
On my dear ol’ dad and mum.
For this year, without a doubt,
Is the Christmas I come out.

First I’ll get their full attention;
Then slip in a subtle mention:
“Lovely tree, and by the way,
Some of my closest friends,
Are gay”

That should do the job okay,
When I come out, on Christmas day.
“Oh say have you seen it now
Watch my parents have a cow”

For those who pick festive family gatherings like Christmas to come out (or already have), this one goes out to you! All the best, and Merry Christmas!

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Transgender Day Of Remembrance

Posted on 21 November 2008 by jiahuilee

Boston remembers Fedra, Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia and other transgendered and gender-variant victims of hate who were brutally murdered this year.

“I want people to understand that doing the right thing often does more harm than good. The standard of normal that we aim for is imaginary. People don’t fail to meet the definition of normal gender, but the definitions fail to meet the people. Being born without a vagina was not my problem. Having to get one was the real problem. My “sexual dysfunction” posed less of a threat to my health than the parts of the Syndrome that disabled me. So why is a vagina all I was given to cope with a much greater loss?”

- Tobias K. Davis

Last night, I attended a cold reading of The Naked I, a play in two acts written by Tobias K. Davis as an alternative to the Vagina Monologues, which assumes the stable identity of being female. In Naked, Tobias takes the idea of sex and gender beyond the binary, exploring the voices of transgenders, transexuals, cisgenders, and other gender-variant identities.

* * * * * *

I stumbled into the meeting, panting from a sprint. I thought I was late. I walked in the lounge expecting to see familiar faces but I found out I almost didn’t know anyone who was there. A cap hit me on the waist and fell to the floor. I bent down to pick it up and looked for the owner.

“Hey,” said someone. I saw a guy. A girl. Neither. Either. “What’s your name?” he asked.

“Ummm…” I tentatively gave him my name. “I’m Justin.” His handshake was more ‘man’ than mine.

Introductions soon began. We went around the circle. “I’m Mickey. And I prefer the pronouns he/him/his.”

“Jenny. Ze or male pronouns…”

“Eliza. Female pronouns, she, her, hers.”

As the night went on, we read monologues and short plays from Davis’ work. The reading slowly went into discussing the relevance of the characters to our personal lives. I wasn’t straight. But I think I wasn’t a tranny, too. So I kept quiet and listened.

“I’ve had enough of people calling me ’she’, so I decided if I took T (testosterone), people would start calling me ‘he’.”

“I’ve always been happy about my body, you know, never regretted anything. I mean, yeah, there are some things I’d like to change, but I don’t know, like, I don’t want to change something I’ll regret. It’s just easier to be either man or woman. Right now, I’m both.”

“Today, looking back, I wouldn’t have taken T. I mean, I don’t regret it – but you should dictate what you want to be to the world and not let the world dictate what you are. Now, I walk into a male bathroom and no one bats an eye – it’s something I enjoy – but you know, sometimes, it’s better to be happy with who you are.”

“I wish everyone was like children. They’re so receptive. The 30 year old woman I used the date, well, she’s a single mom, and her 6 year old would always ask me why everyone calls me ’she’ when I’m a boy. Like I mean, I’ve been screwing with her mom. And she knows it but everyone else doesn’t.”

“When I had a boyfriend, he would tell me all about the male bathroom etiquette.”

He kept looking my way while he was explaining the male bathroom etiquette. I finally spoke. “Really? I never knew there was such a thing. No wonder when I said Hi to the guy standing next to me, he gave me a dirty look.”

Last night, I visited St. Luke’s and St. Margaret’s church for the memorial service of Rita Hester, a transgendered member of the community, who was killed 10 years ago. After listening to several speakers who represent various intersections and sections of the community, we walked in the -5 degrees Celsius night carrying candles. We arrived at a plaza, grouped into a circle and started reading the names of those who died this year due to hate crimes.

This year, we remembered (re-member – put them together again in our memories, our visions, and our hopes) Kellie Telesford of Thornton Heath, UK, Brian McGlothin of Cincinnati, Gabriela Alejandra Albornoz of Santiago, Chile, Patrick Murphy of Albuquerque, Stacy Brown of Baltimore, Adolphus Simmons of Charleston, Fedra of Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia, Ashley Sweeney of Detroit, Sanesha Stewart of the Bronx, Lawrence King of Oxnard, CA, Simmie Williams Jr. of Fort Lauderdale, Luna of Lisbon, Portugal, Lloyd Nixon of West Palm Beach, Felicia Melton-Smyth of Porta Vallarta, Mexico, Silvana Berisha of Hamburg, Germany, Ebony Whitaker of Memphis, Rosa Pazos of Sevilla, Spain, Juan Carlos Aucalle Coronel of Lombardi, Italy, Angie Zapata of Greeley, CO, Jaylynn L. Namauu of Makiki Honolulu, HI, Samantha Rangel Brandau of Milan, Italy, Nakhia Williams of Louisville, Ruby Molina of Sacramento, Aimee Wilcoxson of Aurora, CO, Duanna Johnson of Memphis, Dilek Ince of Ankara, Turkey, Teish Cannon of Syracuse, Ali of Iraq, and all the other trans women and men around the world who lost their lives to transphobia this year, whose faces we never saw and names we never heard, because they were living on the margins of societies who did not respect nor want them.

(Note: The list of names were taken from Melissa McEwan’s blog, Teaspoon by Teaspoon. She was present last night at the vigil with this to say: “Social justice work is like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon. But with enough teaspoons and enough time, we will empty it. Each of you have a teaspoon with you. Each of you, by coming here tonight, has chosen to empty that ocean of anger and hate one teaspoon at a time.”)

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Malaysian-Taiwanese Couple Against Prop 8

Posted on 17 October 2008 by ana_a

I had the surprise of my life today when scanning through a local Japanese newspaper, I saw two familiar faces sprawling on an ad. After a quick glance at the caption, I realized I did indeed know these two women. I wanted to share their ad and their story with you. Margot and Koko's Commitment Ceremony 2002

Margot and Koko have been together for 12 years. Along the process, they decided to have a child together – a beautiful precocious girl who is 4 years old now. I had the fortune to attend their commitment ceremony back in 2002. It was a beautiful ceremony held in the rolling green hills of Oakland, California. There were some initial drama but in the end love prevailed and both families attend the ceremony.

Margot and Koko both are very active in the LBGT community in the micro and macro level. I remember when I first came out, they were both there to give me supporting shoulders and friendly ears. Many Asian Pacific Islander (API) lesbians can attest to the same. They are also involved in almost every major LGBT initiatives in the Bay Area since I can remember. Not only were they instrumental in publishing a Chinese-English coming out booklet* but they are key principles of the API LGBT events around the Bay Area as well.

Margot’s stories about coming out to her parents inspired me to be open to mine. Margot, who is originally from Sabah, is open about her sexual orientation and her relationship with Koko to her family. The trust and support given to her in return by her parents is truly inspirational.

Evidence to this support is in the marketing spread where Margot’s dad joins their fight against California Prop 8.

I find their energy and dedication to each other and to the community very inspiring.

Here is the ad and the translation:

letcaliforniaring.org

letcaliforniaring.org

Ad Translation:
“My wife and I have been married for 50 years. And now, my daughter and her partner have the chance to do the same” – James Yapp.

We knew Koko was the one for Margot when we met her. They met at the Lunar New Year parade, the Year of the Rat. Koko was wearing mouse ears and chatting with everyone. She has always been open with us, and she and Margot love each other. My wife Teoto and I love seeing them taking care of one another, so happy together, year after year.

After 11 years as a couple, California finally allowed Margot and Koko to get legally married. We supported their marriage every step of the way – literally! Together, my wife and I walked Margot down the aisle. We are all family now and family matters so much.

STRONG COMMITMENTS. STRONG FAMILIES.

Join the conversation at www.californiaring.org
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In the couple’s own words “We want to spread the word out to as many California voters we can get. Please vote no on Prop 8!”

* 4th edition of “Beloved Daughter” booklet contains 14 stories by parents and siblings of Chinese lesbians about their coming-out in both Chinese and English. Please email MAPBLN for a FREE copy!

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