Dear gals and pals,

I would like to bring your attention to a special cause today: a dear friend of mine, Yuki Choe, a male-to-female transsexual, is in dire straits and urgently in need of donations to support her living expenses.

HER CURRENT SITUATION:
Yuki is currently unemployed and living on what remains of her savings. She is also relying on some donations made through her blog but PayPal is not recognised by most Malaysian banks. She has few friends. Some are helping but not enough. Her family has turned her down as well.

She has applied for over 60 jobs but had only 2 interviews, one of which rejected her, and the other offered her a job as a mortgage and home loan provider. She is eager to take it up as a part-time job, as well as start her own business (selling art pieces), but lacks start-up capital.

She has been disqualified for state welfare. She is currently staying in a single room in USJ until she gets evicted. 

HOW YOU CAN HELP:

(1) All donors will be listed at Yuki’s blog (www.yukishock.blogspot.com). Donors can choose to be named or remain anonymous. Any amount will be deeply appreciated.

(2) Notify Yuki if you know anyone willing to offer her a job with a stable income -
Those of you involved in LGBT activism will know that many transsexuals in Malaysia entered the flesh trade after failing to notch a single decent job offer, but Yuki is determind not to meet the same fate. She is also the only actively blogging transsexual LGBT advocate in Malaysia. Let’s help her help herself, so that when she finally finds a firm footing, she can be a role model to all other transsexuals in Malaysia to lead independent, healthy and responsible lives.

(3) Spread this message around -
Post this on your blog, tell your friends, email your contacts - spread the word, get as many people as possible to chip in a little bit.

Please help Yuki get by, one day at a time. 
Your help will be deeply appreciated.

FOR MORE INFORMATION: 

She can be contacted at yuki.choe@yahoo.com.
For those who want to read about her life story, they can refer to yuki-thejourney.blogspot.com and yukishock.blogspot.com.

Please help if you can, or crosspost this on your blog too.

Bryan Tai writes about the double-standards that exist within the lgbt community.

Perhaps in almost every gay dating website that I have visited, phrases like “No Fems!”, “No Queens!”, or “No Fats!”, appear in abundance. Although I must admit that these phrases do not offend me as they are merely written to convey the preferences of the authors, they greatly perturb me as every time I come across such phrases, I never fail to ask myself: “How would these “Fems”, “Queens”, and “Fats” feel when they come across these phrases?”.

In “No Fats, No Fems: the Gay Masculine Ideal”, John A. Lewis, Jr. describes a prevailing masculine ideal in our society today that discriminates against male individuals who portray conventional feminine characteristics. In this article, I would not discuss how “prevailing” this ideal is in various cultures, demographies or countries. Instead, I would like to express my opinions on the ramifications and repercussions attached to these overt expressions of one’s preferences.

“Face the truth Bryan, as much as we say that emotional attraction is most important, you or I would never date someone who is ugly and fat.” When a friend of mine uttered to me the aforementioned sentence in a blatant yet nonchalant way, I was utterly dumbfounded. I understand that physical attractiveness plays a role in the process of “mate-seeking”, not only for LGBT-identified individuals, but perhaps, risking political inaccuracy, for all individuals as well. Nonetheless, the question I ended up pondering for the rest of the day was: “Should we be so overtly honest about our preferences with regard to physical attractiveness to the extent that it instigates negative feelings among others or even to the extent where it would be considered as condescending discrimination?”. Should we (LGBT-identified individuals), people belonging to a community that is subjected to discrimination and oppression, force more oppression on certain sub-communities in our community?

I understand that we have the rights to be honest about our preferences. People who prefer male partners should be allowed to distinctly choose male partners and likewise for others with other preferences. However, would it be better if we were a little more subtle about it? Perhaps by saying: “I am sorry, I am not attracted to you, not specifically because you are fat/feminine, but because I simply think that we are not compatible.”, we would inflict a lot less harm than by being overtly honest.

Sometimes in life, I find that there is really no one best solution that is exclusively “right”. In this case, we either tell the blatant truth and risk hurting people’s self-esteem or we tell a white lie to inflict less possible pain. I, personally do not think that the latter or the former is more righteous than the other; they are simply two alternatives. Nonetheless, I do hope that this article would convey the message that although it is completely fine to be completely honest about your preferences, it might be more appropriate to be more subtle in order to reduce discrimination within discrimination.

Work Cited
Lewis, J. A. Jr. “No Fats, No Fems: the Gay Masculine Ideal”. 2008-05-13. (http://www.articlesbase.com/men%27s-issues-articles/no-fats-no-fems-the-gay-masculine-ideal-412718.html)

By Legolas. You can view his blog at http://legolas80.blogspot.com/

HIV is on the rise, not only in the US, the UK, but also Malaysia. The doctors from hospitals knew, the anonymous screening at Pink Triangle Foundation shows, those people with HIV can tell. There is no statistics recorded with real numbers and cold evidence because the government couldn’t care less. They don’t recognize the problem’s source because they keep their eyes shut to homosexuality, even if they knew we exist. They’re more interested in money, power and coming up with silly thoughts.

How many of us had unprotected sex before? How many times you think you can be lucky and get away with it? 5 times? 10 times? No, it takes only 1 time. 1 time of fun and then a lifetime of pain. You say you trusted your partner. How sure are you? You can only be 100% sure if you are with him 24/7. It doesn’t mean you don’t trust your partner when you want to have protection, it means you love yourself. And like they always say, you have to love yourself before you can love other people. If your partner left you because of that, he didn’t love you at all, and he’s definitely worthless.

Who is going to protect yourself better than your own self? Don’t be so ignorant about HIV because no matter how good the medication nowadays have advanced, there is still no cure to HIV, after 27 years since it was first discovered. Don’t engage in unprotected sex no matter how much you trust your sexual partner. Learn and understand about AIDS and HIV. Get yourself tested every 6 months, even if you didn’t have sex because there is a possibility you might get it from other ways.

Don’t put yourself and the people you love in danger. The next time you want to have unprotected sex, think again. It takes only 1 time. Treasure your life and love yourself more.

HIV on Wikipedia

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Many thanks to KL Fairy for contributing this post. KL Fairy blogs at www.klfairy.blogspot.com.

(image from www.foxnews.com)

Prince Daniel was galloping down the streets of the mythical land of Kuala Lipis on his great white steed one day when something caught his eye. While it wasn’t the prettiest or the most vivacious specimen he has ever encountered, that one person managed to arouse Prince Daniel’s desire and make his beat skip a beat.

That person was drenched in sweat after a hard day’s work, had jet black hair that flowed like a waterfall, with a face that bore the slightest hint of strength yet portrayed every inch of youthful tenderness. That person stood out of the crowd glaringly, but managed to blend in to the vast curiosities around.

Being the dashing debonair he always is, Prince Daniel walked up to that one person out of the crowd and ask the person out on a date. He said yes.

Sounds familiar?

It is the classic fairy tale beginning to all great love stories. Boy meets one true love. Boy falls in love and both of them live happily ever after. While this might be the ultimate fantasy for little girls, little boys like me do have them sometimes (always!).

While in this fairy tale there are two princes and no princess, the plot develops the same way if the princess was thrown into the mix: true love will always prevail and the happily ever after is soon to follow.

However, reality check, not everything happens like they do in fairy tales and it usually does not end with a happy ending. Most of the times, the two princes have to deal with a lot from the townsfolk’s erratic behaviour towards gays before living in the istana. Or even worst, the two princes would have to live double lives as straight men and arrange secret meetings in the dark of night to profess their love to each other. In other worst case scenario, the two princes might be stoned to death or burned at the stakes.

It is so easy for the townsfolk to spread love and joy towards each other, while chanting cries of unity and equal love for all races across the country and yet, it is so difficult for them to grasp the simple bond the two princes’ share for each other. Most townsfolk believe it is unnatural and sinful for the prince to fall in love with another prince, let alone for a prince to harbour feelings for another man.

How can the townsfolk practice what they preach about love, fairness, unity and equality when they could not simply give a chance to the two princes to live happily ever after? Is the townsfolk one true purpose on Earth to make the two princes lives a living hell? After all, all the two princes did was to love one another.

While the ending of this fairy tale is unforeseeable, we can send our best wishes to the two princes. In the mean time, it is time we embrace our own identity and started telling and educating people how similar we are.

Show the townsfolk that we not any different than they are. Show them that we are all human and are bonded together by the same flesh and blood. Show to them the universal love we share amongst gays to them. Eventually, when we open our hearts and extend a loving arm, a willing and understanding hand would reach back and grasp it.

To all gays out there, while society is being a bitch, out to make our lives hard, hold on tight to who you are. Against all the odds, your knight in shining armour is on the way. While he might be late due to the massive traffic jam along Jalan Sultan Ismail, rest assured, he is on the way.

P.S. Shh.. I wrote this during work, and I doubt that my boss would be very happy to find out that his employee is cajoling behind his back!!

Cheers,
KL Fairy.

www.klfairy.blogspot.com

 Many thanks to Michelle for contributing this post.

I’m a 20-something female, excellent student (or so I think), filial daughter, great older sister to two younger siblings, and a (self-professed) wonderful friend. I am also a lesbian. Or again, so I think.

I fell in love with someone of the same sex when I was 16. We have now been together for 4 years. Of the 4 years, we have spent 2 years apart, because I have left Malaysia in pursuit of a higher education. That translates into 2 sex-less years, 2 no-physical-contact years. So damn the people who think same-sex relationships are all about the sex.

When I first “found out” that I had feelings for my partner, I honestly thought I had it all wrong. I thought it was basically because I was studying in an all-girl’s school, and because I had no contact with boys (so they say), I developed feelings for this person out of curiosity and need and what-have-yous. I used to tell myself that whatever feelings I had for her were just high-school crushes, and nothing serious, or to be taken seriously. I told myself that it would all go away.

How funny and ironic it is, then, that we started our relationship when the both of us were in Sixth Form, studying in an all-boy’s school.

I said I am a lesbian, or so I think. There is a reason why I say this, even today, after sharing a loving relationship with my partner for 4 years. And counting.

I was never physically attracted to my partner to start with. I was more attracted to her attributes, her character, her “insides”. I was attracted to her heart. I fell in love with the person, not the sex. I fell in love with the soul, not the face or body. The more I loved her inwardly, the more I fell in love with her outwardly.

Sometimes I still think, what would life be like if I were to be ‘normal’. If I were to be like so many others who fall in love with a person of the opposite sex. Sometimes, I still wish I did.

My parents have no idea that I am the way I am. Or maybe they have a slight inkling, but have chosen to think otherwise. I tried hinting to them about it once, but all I got from them was “Don’t disappoint me”. I’ve never mentioned it again ever since.

My partner, she wishes she was a full-blooded male. My partner wishes we could get married, and have children. I used to think, if my partner were a male, would I still love her/him? I used to tell myself, maybe not, because if he was a male, then I probably wouldn’t fall in love with him. After all, if I fell in love with a female, it means I’m a lesbian, and I’d never fall in love with a male. Right?

I’ve come to figure out that I’m wrong. I love my partner not because she’s a lesbian, not because she’s a female. I fell in love with her, and continue to love her, because of her heart and soul. And if that same heart and soul were to appear in a man’s body, I’d love him still the same.

So am I a lesbian? I think so, but sometimes I’m not so sure. Perhaps this is what they term as bisexuality. But in either case, it is but a term.

To me, I just happened to fall in love with a person who shares the same sex. I didn’t first chose the physical body, and then the heart and soul. I chose to fall in love with the heart, the physical body just came with it.

It took me two whole years to come to terms with myself, and admit my feelings for my partner. It is going to take even longer if I were to let my parents know about it.

This is only my half-story. I have the rest of my life to live out. The closet, I have found out, is a dark and stuffy place. Unfortunately, I’m still only halfway out of it. But the closet is definitely not a place I would want to be in for the rest of my life.

And finally, we’ve got ourselves a contribution! Was actually going to write a pretty deep topic about safe sex (seeing as how I haven’t written anything since the last time) - but since I got my computer reformatted (bummer!), I kinda lost the STD manual that was in it (you read that right!). Oh well, will look for it online again (yes, I found it online) - it caught my eye, and since it was pretty interesting - I wanted to write about it.

But I digress. Anyway, our first contribution comes from choirboy13 - just a short introduction to one man’s thoughts on gay life in Malaysia, or gay life in general. About what it takes to be a part of the community, and away from the usual stereotypes of the effeminate gay men - choirboy13’s contribution is all about society, life, and naturally - being very, very gay. Read on, and may this inspiring post inspire you like it did me.

I am choirboy13 – and I am gay. Ever since I could remember, I was always inclined towards the attraction of people who shared the same gender as I. It made me happy seeing other boys shirtless or running around in the nude. I developed excitement over the thought of having boys as my close friends, and maybe sometimes getting more intimate with some compared to the rest. Looking from hindsight at my growing up years, I can see very clearly now how homosexuality has been a deep part of my inner being. I was always gay, and I like to believe that I was born gay, contrary to many scientific journals and reports.

The challenge, however, was to grow up being a nice boy. I was always very innocent, not just in my appearance and my mannerisms, but also in the way I publicly portrayed my thoughts and my actions. I was always a cute boy who was active in church and was known for being mummy’s little boy. I was a choir boy. I was pure, holy, and gay.

Stereotypes ruined a big part of my growing up days as a gay kid. People around me laughed at words like “homo” and “gay”. People would laugh at boys who were sissies, and call them all sorts of insensitive names. Eventually, these boys would be laughed at because they acted gay, whether or not they really were gay. Coming from a part of Malaysia that is probably treading behind by 10 years in terms of rural development compared to Kuala Lumpur, the community I grew up with was never exposed to the facts of what a real homosexual lifestyle is like. From where I come from, being a homosexual was, back then, never really something possible. It was something you would only see in the movies and read in stories. It was also always merely a way to describe people who were weird, and for boys who liked to sing and dance. I liked to sing. I was a choir boy, remember?

I was afraid of the truth. Me? Gay? Can it really be?

I wanted to be normal. Yet, you cannot be someone who you are not. It wouldn’t make sense. I knew I was born gay. I liked boys. It felt normal, and fun, and I didn’t want it to be any other way. Still don’t.

Stereotypes became my worse enemy. I hated it that people would link bright coloured shirts with gay men, and simply conclude that men who cry are typically gay. People just don’t realize (yet) that gay men are as varied as straight men. We come in all shapes and sizes. Some of us like sports, some of us don’t. Some of us like to cry at sad movies, some of us laugh. Yet, the bottom line is, we’re not what most people think we are. Of course there are some gays who fit the perfect gay-man stereotype. But would you see an obese heterosexual man and say that all straight men are like him?

Life can get complicated when you’re gay. You face all sorts of predicaments. But straight men do too. Which proves it yet again, we’re all the same. We just have different sexual tastes.

Human beings are as colourful as the rainbow. And that is what celebrating humanity really means, homosexual or not.

- choirboy13