Growing up as a gay male wasn’t always a terrible thing for me. The only struggle I ever faced was the fight within my own frame of mind. No one was bothered about who I liked (sexually) or whether I was straight (or not). Occasionally, in my teens and even in my early adulthood, people would ask me the “are you gay?” question – a question I always brilliantly found a way to answer with another question, leaving everyone even more curious. I always answered in a manner that would not arouse suspicion. I guess that was how I allowed people to just ignore who I am and let me live how I want.

The excitement in my life came when I started trying to ignore my homosexuality. I remind myself of those people we sometimes contentiously call “ex-gays” – gays who don’t want to be gay. I went through that phase for a while. I blame it on the warnings I got from “biblical prohibition” on gay behavior. I come from a somewhat liberal yet devoted Christian family. It haunted me. It made me shy away from accepting who I really was, until I realized one day that religion should help people accept themselves,and not doubt whoever and whatever they are.

I was one of those who got influenced for a while with the whole concept of heteronormativity. Deep inside I knew I was gay, but at times I had to conform to the things that were deemed acceptable socially. It caused me to feel uncomfortable sometimes, but it certainly made me stronger, eventually.

I struggled for a while. I wanted to be myself and totally let go, but I couldn’t. I wanted to love freely, but I was afraid of what would happen.

Then things turned around when I attended a talk in some church. A question on homosexuality was posed. I turned from a sleepy participant to one wide awake, eager to hear how the speaker, an old priest, was going to answer the question: “Is homosexuality something really that unacceptable?”

I smiled. Finally… something interesting.

The reply from the priest shocked me. This old, mumbly priest replied with a very sweet smile:
“Look at it this way – love is love. Sometimes homosexuals can show a kind of love that is even purer than the kind of love straight people have. Straight couples fight and quarrel. So do homosexuals. Love is love; who is to say who you can or cannot fall in love with? Sometimes homosexuals can teach us a thing or two about love, because they may sometimes be more affectionate than the rest of us.”

I almost wanted to shout a loud “Amen!” but thought I’d just keep to myself.

Love is love. Who in the world has the right to tell you what kind of person you must fall in love with?

I began to love myself more. And because of that, I can express my love outwardly better. Love is love.

You see, even though homosexuals suffer from derisive jokes and have to endure annoying labels of all sorts, we do know what love feels like. Being gay is just another way of being.