Seriously.

Free-wheeling bachelors like me wouldn’t even think twice about mouthing the occasional swear word – or ten. Even a prim mealy-mouthed fella like me. After all without the pitter patter of lil feet in the house, there’s very little fear of lil ears around to eavesdrop – and then for lil potty mouths to imitate! Embarassingly enough. Doubt there’s anything quite as unnerving as an adorable pink-cheeked five year old with pigtails screaming Muthafucka for all to hear in the sandbox.

So what happens when they find something even more shocking to tell?

I’ve mentioned in passing the horrific sodomy scandal that has swept across our political stage. Yet again. With the frequent ( annual? ) accusations, who knows in time buggering cases could possibly be as common as horny political interns.

However it never occurred to me that concerned parents would be quite as appalled with the sensational news reports for far different reasons. Seems like such reports are peppering the innocent thoughts of the young with shocking scandals of sodomy and rape! So much so that a nine year old would look up from the sunday papers with guileless eyes and ask her mom exactly what two men can do together that could potentially land them in prison.

Wonder what other positions I could get into with this guy!
Sure, I could address that pertinent question with several graphic sketches ( I can seriously imagine dozens of unnatural positions two men could get into together! ) but I don’t think such X-rated viewing would be suitable for minors. Not sure how my colleague answered her ingenuous daughter though – but I’m sure she must have choked on her breakfast pappadams – and the unwelcome thought.

Why, even the title of this post gives me pause – since the cheesy line smacks of nasty incestuous gay daddy porn.

I’ll admit to hiding a secret smirk when she told me. Fortunately my colleague didn’t retreat into a wild homophobic rant forcing me to raise the cudgels in defence. In fact she actually found herself far more irritated with the news-hungry journalists spreading such tawdry tabloid stuff rather than concentrating on more worldly issues.

Though I know I’ll find myself flabbergasted if I had such a query posed to me by my hypothetical child as well. Sex talk with curious rugrats freaks me out. And you know how bloody persistent kids that age can be with their overly inquisitive questions.

Nate : What’s sodomy, daddy?
Paul : What the f- frickin chicken! Who taught you that word? Have you been reading daddy’s bedtime stories again?
Nate : No, I read it in the papers. What’s sodomy, daddy?
Paul : Look, there’s a bird at the window.
Nate : What’s sodomy, daddy?
Paul : Daddy will buy you a present today. Isn’t that fun?
Nate : But what’s sodomy, daddy?
Paul : Ooh look at the time. Eat up your breakfast, Nate. It’s time for school.

Hey, I don’t have the answers to everything.